Women have their eyes on the prize, and beyond!

Published on: August 27, 2022

Differences between men and women are aplenty – so much so, that your favorite bookstore has dedicated an aisle to those who have published their research on the topic. Today, we are discussing how men are genetically wired to compete, while women want to play.

Men are contenders

Since they are little boys, men are taught to aim for the bull’s eye. For them, competition is exciting. It is the foundation of how they play, how they work and also, how they communicate. The aim isn’t conflict, there is a goal or a prize, and whoever gets it is the winner, and who doesn’t, becomes the loser. 

Experts believe that for a man, every encounter in his life, whether personal or professional, is a contest where he would either win or lose. There can be only one winner, and for him to emerge victorious, you must lose. Ever wondered the genesis of the quintessential quote preceding every quarrel: “May the best man win”?

Women are participants

For women, competition is perceived differently. Interaction is exciting, conflict is to be avoided. Playing is fun but losing isn’t pretty – someone’s feelings are going to get hurt. While men shoot to win and enjoy keeping scores, women play to relish the game and oversee everyone gets a fair chance.

My manicurist shared an example of this she saw at an informal volleyball game played by her 10-year-old daughter and her friends. At their drinks break, one of the fathers had come by to meet his daughter. His first question was, “What’s the score, girls?” The girls hadn’t the faintest idea – and not one of them cared! He was astonished: Why on earth would you play and not even keep scores?

Little girls play in small groups, ensuring everybody gets their turn; and some activities, like playing ghar-ghar and dressing up their Barbie dolls, don’t even have winners or losers (how shocking!). There is not a lot of boasting and striving for social status among girls. In fact, the one who flaunts her achievements or worse, possessions, is likely to face a lot of peer pressure to stop: “She’s so full of herself! Nobody hangs out with a show-off!”

I’m OK, you’re OK

Women don’t necessarily believe that competition brings out the best in people, or even the best results. Experts separate internal competitiveness, that drives personal excellence from external competitiveness, the impulse to bash somebody to the ground. Women scale equal to men when it comes to their internal competitive drive, but the need to conquer is not nearly as fierce.

As for external competitiveness amongst people within the same group, women find it a nuisance at best, and at worst, simply counterproductive. For instance, in a business setup, women would label the many manifestations of competitions among colleagues as needless, unproductive conflict, a sheer waste of time and effort, “a show of fury and sound, much ado about nothing.”

Females would rather focus on what makes the dream work – teamwork. From their perspective, excellence implies the coming together of many talents, where each person contributes their individual best effort. 

Every rendezvous is an opportunity for mutual benefit, every person is an ally and negotiations are the means to find the ideal, win-win outcome for everybody involved. Women truly believe life is not a zero-sum game. She says, “I get what I want”, and so should you.

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