Men play Rubik’s cube, women prefer the jigsaw

Published on: August 26, 2022

Men play the lead character in the story of their lives and assume that everyone else, male or female, perceive him in a similar light. Women view themselves, and everybody around them, as pieces of a jigsaw puzzle – where it just makes sense to be together, up close and personal.

The male prism

Men’s standpoint of viewing the world is individualistic. Their prime unit is “me” and other “me”s must recognize why this “me” is unique and special. Men pat their own backs for being self-reliant and this has laid the seeds for the saying: “Each man for himself.” The way their world works, and must work, goes like this: I make my own way, I deserve the rewards. I mind my own business, don’t expect help, don’t need help – and nor does the other guy.

The ideal outcome for “me” is to get what “I” want – what more? Independence, autonomy, freedom – these are the values at the core of the macho universe, causing an almost reflex aversion to being swayed by others, especially women, since that would be too similar to taking mom’s instructions on what to do. Ultimately, what men want on the epitaph of their tombstone to read is: I did it my way.

The feminine perception

Women view the world through the lens of the group. Their prime unit is “we”, even when it’s only two. Women are happiest when they are surrounded by people with whom they share a lot in common. They gloat in their care, concern and loyalty towards others in their informal clan – family, friends and colleagues. Women are prompt to offer suggestions and help, in a constant state of “peripheral perception”, conscious of things that could be relevant to those in their networks. Be it her child’s dental appointment, hubby’s upcoming business trip or her BFF’s newly picked up hobby, the radar of a woman’s mind is constantly scanning her environs for things that would make others’ lives easier. Some women go as far as defining their success in building other people’s happiness. 

Values at the core of women’s world are closeness and connection with those in their circle. For a woman, when she is really close to someone, they both must want to know everything about each other. Women want to learn about their dreams, hopes, fears, favorite dessert, foundation shade, botox clinic and biryani recipes. They even want to know about yesterday’s mood swings and tomorrow’s meeting with the realtor - nothing is too trivial or too personal. Men might be cringing as they read this, but that’s my point - women rather relish these kind of conversations, where boundaries melt in the warmth of emotional connections. For women, that’s actually a good thing.

Women believe others are as important as oneself and that “we” all deserve equal consideration. This means that each of us is as responsible for others as we are for ourselves, and the ideal outcome ensures the greatest good for the greatest number. 

The way their world works, and must work, is by blending mutual support and cooperation: “All for one and one for all.” Their network supplies them strength, a sounding board and a pillow-talk buddy. And that’s OK - as the song says, “All we need is somebody to lean on.”

Gatekeepers of civilization

Somewhere along the way, women were anointed the gatekeepers of civilization. It is an unsaid norm that when it comes to altruistic stuff, women are in charge of everything: the environment, the earth, charities and everything in between. Women are chiefs of the committees of all things benevolent.

Indian women are leading the charge when it comes to philanthropy. Roshni Nadar of HCL Technologies, apart from being an astute businesswoman, is passionate about her family’s two educational foundations, Shiv Nadar Foundation and Vidyagyan. Biocon’s Kiran Mazumdar Shaw has set up and manages her own foundation for cancer prevention and treatment. Rajashree Birla, of the Aditya Birla Group, leads the Aditya Birla Centre for Community Initiatives & Rural Development, and also oversees two family foundations.

Though large numbers as heads of foundations is a relatively new phenomena, women’s philanthropy has deep roots in India. Why, you ask? Owing to education and greater business opportunities on account of faster economic growth, many business magnates are now open to having daughters succeed them. Also, women have proven to be better at managing finances for the larger good of all.

Since women are socialized to be caregivers, and empathy is indispensable in philanthropic work, women’s compassion and a desire to bring about change for the greater good drives society towards a better tomorrow.

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